beseiged?!

Busyness has a way of making contact and scheduling itself as the CHIEF conflict on my calendar. Maybe I invited it but how, when, where & why?

I have to start learning that I could only do so much PERIOD

My schedule has not gotten any better despite my best efforts to lighten the appointments and schedules. I had in fact complicated my schedules even more by the VERY few things I had signed up for. I had figured that I would be less encumbered by time constraints if I had a common theme running through my schedules; that was a mistake. It would have been a relief if I had signed up for less instead. Some lessons you learn by experience and hopefully this one is stuck with me now.

How does one win when beseiged by a army of one's creation?

Intersting don't quite capture "it"

I looked forward to Thursday & Friday with eagerness and bursting anticipation. I missed the convention last year after having attended my first one the previous year. It was to remain a mainstay in my annual calendar if I had my way. This year was special too because a very close friend of mine was going to attend.

Last weekend was wonderful. I was out of town with my affinity group of friends in fellowship, communion and sheer fun. The activities (as light as they may have been) wore me out. I was only a guest but I found I needed rest.

Work was getting in the way of my extra special week. This particular project which was fun and exciting at the beginning required much more that I could offer within the short timeline. The project requirements are beginning to suffocate my schedule and no matter what I did, I seem not to be able anymore to extend schedules. I could not find a way to extricate myself from my tangled scheduling. The client's need and my unspoken promise to deliver what they required has me about to forgo my longed for replenishing event of the year.

And so it happened. I worked on Thursday and only met the second half of Friday. It was fun except that I feel half-full then satisfied. With time and in time, maybe, maybe I will get refilled outside of my intentions.

You would think that was enough "interest" for the week - NO!

Within the same periods in which I was juggling schedules on my calendar, an interesting lunch meeting showed growth and promise with lots to look forward to. Then my better half suggested that maybe I should move faster across the Atlantic than I was planning; as if by natural synchrony, a friend called and asked if I could travel yonder across the Atlantic soonest to help. What should I look forward to? I know what - more interesting stuff.

I need all the help I could get today and as it develops. Lord, keep me collected!

An Story Telling Exercise in Cryptics - Go Figure I

"A funny thing happened on the way to ..."

You know the stories that start with such, those stories could get filed right inbetween the "Once upon a time ..." and "What had happened was ..."

"Once upon a time..." begins a "tale" while "What had happened was ..." is the usual start phrase for a very tall tale or excuses. "A funny thing happened on the way to ..." does not handsomely fit a well defined path to stories mostly because you are left wondering if there is truth to the story or if it was made up or both. It is even puzzling the more that most of the stories with such beginnings are not funny - and you are left wondering if it was funny to the author, teller or speaker. Are they yanking your chain; are they being ironic?

Funny or not, things happen on the way to anywhere and the lessons are where the importance lay - that is the key to any story - the lessons learned.

And so it was yesterday for me, it happened.

I have been considering my choices, weighing my options even since the week before. It was obvious I could not continue trying to fill all roles; a clear choice had to be made. It would have been easy if the three were equal or seemed equally comparable. One option had more immediate tangible benefits, the second had a little less margin of tangibles compared to the first but promises a path that leads to the kind of future I imagined for us. The third option was going to stay regardless of what I decided for the first two; I had to keep it at least for the legacy effects and the relationships involved. Once again I had apples, oranges and mixed fruit juice to compare - and the sizes were so different that comparing was not going to be easy. Maybe the apple should be dropped, afterall I have had my share of apples this year and I don't believe it is the season for the fruit anyway. Maybe the orange, it is hard work to peel it before eating it and even if I chose to squeeze - still some work.

So it was for a few days, I had moved back and forth on the choices and I could only move forward with two out of three. It was not undoable to go with the three but there are consequences to greed that I am not ready to suffer. I treasure my sanity and I could use some free time. The one week I had to really experience the three had other external pressures thrown in for good measures. I had to explain to a close friend why I needed focus and still they were too close to their wants to see my point. It was not a waste though, it was a big reveal to me to see through the eyes of another and see why I should make and communicate my choices clearly.

Friday came and so did the "final answer". I did not have to make a choice afterall; once was already made for me. "We wanted to assure you it had nothing to do with your performance and we will like to get your help with ... but we could not afford that during that critical part of the year. We hope you understand and we look forward to continuing the relationship and working on the other ..."

Phew! - What a relief! I was saved from having to make that tough and awkward phone call; I was called. It still amazes me that funny things continue to happen on the way to making decisions and on the way to leading a life. Funny things like this happen often on the way to somewhere to me. That is the funny part --> It Happened To Me <-- the funnier part is that it happened to me "AGAIN". Just like waking up without alarm by 04:00 because you have a flight to catch at 07:00 and had turned in late last night by 23:50 (without setting an alarm and without having your bags packed and needed two hours to get ready and drive to the airport).

AWESOME.

A funny thing happened on the way to a new opportunity once upon a time, what had happened was a choice was made for me.

In the END, there could only be ONE

Highlander - that was the show with the very premise of the pyramid scheme. Duncan McCloud seemed like the chosen one among the many whose grip on immortality are threatened by another's sword. Ageless in their pursuit until the appointed time when another's sword separates their head from the body. The thunderous explosions in extinction of the life ushers in a stronger step towards being the one.

Think of the contrast "e pluberis unum"

I took a liking to psychology and philosophy in college; I was nearly in love with these subjects but the feeling was not strong enough to sway my romantic mind away from the sciences. I loved evidence, discovery and data-guided results much more than pontifications. The wisdom in the arts and science of thinking was the biggest draw for me. When it is all said and done, there are two sides to every story... (1)survival of the fittest eliminates the weaklings until only the strongest stands; (2) survival is about corporation amongst the gifted within a community, no one person has it all and it is only by working together that the many achieve a oneness that surpasses the varied talents in the pool.

You could tell which side of the argument I am on by how I presented them.

Today is one of those days for me. I was not ready to make a big deal of it; the last time it was a big deal for me, I was twenty-something. Celebrating my birthday has been low keyed for ages and I expected same for this year. I was surprised (and I love surprises). Yesterday was somber and today is a good day.

For many years my multiple persona have morphed into just two - Gemini (opposite and twin). I had gone from the id, ego and super-ego to just the body and the spirit. Today, I am in re-generation as there is becoming one person - in fullness and completeness of my person. The early divisions have subsided are melting away. I understand now why the body is dead without the spirit and why the spirit could not live without the body. It was never a contest for one to do away with the other, it was always a journey for coexistence and oneness.

In the end, there could only be one - one body, one spirit, one people - ONE!

There is no such EAZY money

I evaluated the project and thought:

• candy from a baby
• best 30 minutes I ever spent
• e-a-s-y money

Well, it would've been had everything gone right (for the other parties) as anticipated. I was done in 2 mins (ok... with extra one hour to validate & feel sure; so let's just say one hour). Then the calls came in that the other party could not make the milestone. It seemed easy enough with hopes of recovery... then panic, anger, more panic and a lot of second, third, fourth and nth guesses. You know what happens when people start doubting themselves... complete failure --> especially the failure to communicate. Oh, people were communicating just that the doubt lingered and grew larger. Now my 30 minutes is turning into hours and counting...

Then the "CYA" and "face recovery" scenarios played out.

I can't believe I am spending my weekend working very hard for this "EAZY" money. Oh well, just goes to show how easy money could be when you have to work for it. Money is in torns - spread the word.

I feel rewarded. I did my homework; I came through in record time and I plan to continue the trend.

I know different now; don't ever think it E-A-Z-Y to work for your reward. It is rewarding NOT easy.

so recently things change

Change!

The one thing that I was sure of is "change." I tell people how much I love it and how greatly it excites me. I anticipate it and live for it - at least so I told myself. Then things changed.

It is mental and may be classified a disorder by some that I do backtrack my actions and habits. I discovered recently that it is habitual for me to start sentences with "No, ..." even when I am in agreement and putting forth an ammendment to an existing notion. That cannot be a great way to win over the audience if one starts off disagreeing in the first word. It became a focus after realizing that there are unintended reactions and facial contortions in response to aspects of my conversations.

Party1: "I really thank you for helping me move the table; it would have taken forever to move without your kind help."

ME: "No, it is really nothing. It was my pleasure. You have done much more for me and I was glad I was of help."

What an egghead am I sometimes. I am working on it - to have my YES be yes and my NO be no.

Yes, I embrace change and then it changes.

an Ode

...

I love her and she is closest to my buttons.

"trouble !"

...

spoken silence

Years ago I read and collected a New York Times essay on the "eloquence of silence." It was one of the best I had read. It marked me as I espoused the philosophy.

Paul Simon (& Art Garfunkel) have long sang about the the "words of silence." I love that song and agree with the lyrics.

As for me, my vulnerabilities are more conspicous as I get older. I used to be quiet. Beyond my demeanor, I purported and perfected the silent treatment. I could go for weeks in silence. Beyond the monastry practice, I do silence for spite and could go weeks not speaking or in selectively conversation where certain topics are never mentioned and/or ignored when they surface within close relationships. I have witnessed the power of silence to speak succintly to my intentions and the targetted discussions.

Hitherto, I am now tending towards silence. It is a battle in itself to choose not to speak when there is so much to say; there is so much to say and more. I am not going on a silent fasting; I am not going to stop speaking. All I will do is to say less. This is only an effort to allow my intentions to be known while letting my actions speak much more. "Intentions speak but actions even much more", quote me if you intend to say less. I hope I could listen more as I say less. My hope is that I will do more.

For now, my endeavor is to say less. I am not sure how much how that spills over to the written words but we will find out soon.

"... the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls ..."

• WORDS
• PROPHETS
• SUBWAY WALLS

all plural, less spoken - it is written - more should be done.

In conclusions, lots use the phrase "... when it is all said and done ... " unfortunately the real conclusion is dire because when it is really all said and done, a lot more is said than done.

New or changed MAN?

"the more things change, the more the stay the same"; I think I agree with that statement about change. I am finding out as I get older that I am not radically transformed anymore. Maybe it is that rule of diminishing return or something. My friends continue to expect certain things of me and I have continued to try the change up routine - i.e. - argue on the right side as much as I am expected to be leftish.

A lot more has changed since. The rate of change is faster but not too dramatic, subtly speedier if you will. My hair is subtly receeding. I find it funny that the hair follicles are not falling out but rather the texture is changing; it is becoming a lot softer and straight on each side of my forehead. I am not alarmed, it is a natural course; I luke cute-er.

My psychology changes a lot but my philosopher improves within the same school of thought (- that is if it is legal for me to say so myself.)

I still love technology (as much as ever). I have come to discover that I am more of a techie supplier than the user - ask me what that means later. I am mostly surprised that I am satisfied with developing strategy as much as I was with delivering day by day feelable results. The empirical experience is more intense in strategy than mechanical application - that is my take.


Therefore, I woke up this morning and took an IQ test. The results did not contain much information, I still scored very high, the difference this time was that I saved the results. The compelling reasons are still not clear to me; am I anticipating that at some point I will not be able to score as high? Time will tell.

UNICEF West Africa Assistance

UNICEF has come to an agreement with the African Development Bank that could open the door to millions of dollars of support for campaigns for children's health care, education, water and sanitation.

Reading comprehension? part deux

continuing on ...

So the second story in the reading comprehension illustration is also from the latter years of the Christian movement (early years if you will). It is the encounter between Philip (one of the apostles) and an Ethiopian eunuch. Fascinating that this eunuch is of very important positon to Queen Candance. This eunuch is in charge of all of the Queen's treasury. Knowing how women are best friends with Diamonds (and such), I would think no less of this expensive position.

The story started with Philips earlier than with the important Ethiopian but I will like to catch up at the eunuch's chariot where Philip ran thither. "thither?" - I guess the chariot was going farther than he could power walk to. Philip hears him reading from the book of the prophet Esaias (Isaiah for the rest of us). The eunuch has something in common with my dad, he reads out loud even when reading by himself. Then Philip asks the question at hand: "Understandest thou what thou readest?"

The most interesting response to the question I ever heard was his response. I am not sure how Philip was dressed or how important he may have seemed running "thither" with a moving chariot. I would have mistaken him for a roadside begger (in my mind's picture) who may be running to beg for bread or woteva. Different culture, I guess. His answer was questioning than any other response:

How can I, except some man should guide me?

He said "man"; and I do not think he meant gender but he has so much trust in someone else being able to understand better than he does. This important (to the Ethiopian Kingdom at least), rich and powerful man was humble enough to understand that there are other men with better understanding than he who could explain what he reads in a way that he could understand better. He was humble enough to seek help, he invited Philip to join. Now that is shocking. He spoke to this stranger who could not afford his own chariot but was rather chasing his, budding into his space and asking questions. Now he invites him to hop on the chariot with no proof that he could help. Talk about faith in mankind.

The other amazing part of his response before Philip was invited to join was he used the word "guide". He was going for ultimate comprehension. He wants to be led alongside, step by step. Guide is what dogs are trained to do for the blind; that is what parents do for growing children and experts for apprentices. Guide demands that the leader makes decisions for the led (no democracy; all authoritarian). Guide demands that one yields to the leadership.

What guides your comprehension?
What man do you trust to lead your understanding?
Is mankind trustworthy enough to lead your understanding?

Do you trust the author? Do you trust anyone else? Do you read? Do you understand what you read?

Better yet: are you leaning on your own understanding?




It is Sunday yet again and I am still trying to understand a lot of things including things that I read. Trying to understand requires effort and guidance. I find my guidance in smarter people (they are everywhere). These days the internet brings them closest. I feel closer everyday but in case you are still wondering if there should be understanding, two of the books of the gospel record the greatest teacher to ever live in human flesh underscore the importance. The passages are of the same event reference.

Mat 24:15 (partial): ...(whoso readeth, let him understand:)...
Mar 13:14 (partial): ...(let him that readeth understand,)...

"Understandest thou what thou readest?"

"Reading is fundamental" indeed. I wholeheartedly agree with the NBA reading program and many other such programs on reading. Maybe what is needed is to get the "fun" back into "fundamental."

The question of understanding is beyond recognizing the printed figures. The question is with regards to the knowledge gained of the fundamental exercise. Is it that understanding (more than the reading) should be the base? Is reading an act in the quest of something else? Should reading be enough?

I read for a lot of reasons: I read to relax (and fall asleep), I read for the entertainment of my person, I read to learn and increase learning, I read (to fill the time and space) instead of something else I should be doing and I read because it is fundamental. Yet I wonder if I should always strive to understand what I read. If you have picked up very technical materials and tried reading for understanding at times, it seems but an exercise in futility. Yet those are the kind of material that demands understanding (and often without the fun).

Being that this is Sunday, let's consider the source of the question. I like the question and the sources from which I borrow it. The first was Jesus to the Jewish leaders of his day when they had asked about the resurrection of the dead and illustrating their side of the argument with the law of Moses and the tale of seven brothers and one wife. Now I have to digress a bit on this story of seven brothers who all ended up with one woman; one after the other. The story goes that in this family of seven brothers, the oldest married himself a wife and died before they could have offsprings. According to tradition (the law of Moses), his second brother took his wife to raise offspring (for his dead brother). Let's pause here for a second. ... ... ... This brother also died (without offsprings). The third, fourth through the seven brothers all married the same woman and died without offspring. Then they asked their question regarding to whom the woman will be married to in the resurrection of the dead since they all had her. Jesus was alarmed at the question which he showed by the questions: "

understandest thou what thou readest?

" to paraphraze.

Why I recommended the pause was to allow for someone else to understand what they read. I was moved within the story for a different reason that the Jewish leaders. Did anybody else think this or was it just me that was wondering why the brothers are dying for one woman? Did anyone question her cooking methods? Did they check to see if she had any effects that these brothers should have stayed away from? How pretty was she? Did not Moses also recommend a letter of seperation (and I would think that death of four brothers may qualify for reasons of divorce)? But that's just me. I really do think that some investigations are warranted. I really do think someone should try to understand this situation. That is one good reason why it is good to understand what is being read.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

in love WITH

Am I the only one to whom this is a pretty HUGE revelation? That couldn't be, could it?

I know that for some of us it recently feels like it is okay to come out of hiding and be ourselves again. If you found yourself single and alone last Tuesday, I am referring to you. Valentine is immortal and understandably so, that does not make everyone happy. :D SMILE anywayz. Besides it is safer to be again; the chocolates, flowers, candles, jewelries, strawberries, dinners and expectations are gone (for now). You are no longer going to be on the spot with the spotlight on you for another season. Despite that alone feeling; I hope you still have love.

Love of life is key. Living; that is the hard part but live as if you got only one life (because you do). To live, you need love.

Not that you need to be loved, NO! You need to love.

And here in lies my revelation: "in love with" is a total misnomer. Love is too conk to be shared (even on unequal grounds). It knocks one over and out and that is not something you partner and contract on. "Relationship" - now that is something you could be "in ... with" other party. Relationship of any kind is a partnership but not love. Love is a gift one gives without expectations. ...
...
...

Just let that last phrase sink in and then reflect on it for another three seconds. Maybe I will explain more later but for now just agree with me that you could not be in love WITH someone else. You could be in some kind of relationship WITH whomever. Just because you love who you are with does not imply you are in love WITH who you love. There is not such "WITH" conjuction when it comes to love. You give love PERIOD

Like any gift, it may be received (well or not), rejected and/or ignored but that is the way it is. Give the gift of love and discover the wonders that make living "the life" that it becomes.



You have no choice - the sooner you accept this one and only condition for love, the easiest it is to live with love.

"security", "assurity" & "worst case scenario"

By my own admission, I am an "IT" guy.

Spam mails are nothing much more than annoyances. They have always existed - in hardcopy they were termed "junk" mail and no matter how valuable some of them become (e.g. PCH), they are still nuisances. A lot of the ISPs implement filters to sift the berage of these such electronic messages.

Another nuisance but a lot more malicious are the electronic viruses, trojans and spywares. How about the phishing quest and identity theft? I could understand someone trying to steal my information in order to assume my identity and mask theirs to pursue malice. It is very bad but I understand the bad intention. Why destroy my documents for fun just to satisfy some curiosity and/or for bragging rights? None of the end results is pretty or admired.

CCTV has its main stay in the United Kingdom but it is a "BAD" four letter word in the United States (not just an acronym). In other countries of the world, the government spying on citizens is no big deal and I love the protection that the legal system offers for both "evil doers" and relatively "good citizens" of the United States. Do I mind that the White House may have misinterpreted the rules in the name of "protection"? Do you?

How about corporate citizenship? How many incompetent corporate executives have to go to jail before the hiring practices are called up by US congress for legislation? Democrats - don't get excited; it is not going to happen anytime soon. Does Sarbanes-Oxley (SOX for short) work and how well? Does HIPPA really protect or does it stifle patient care? How much of all these could be managed within properly defined business ethics and without legislation? Should the punishment be corporal to deter bad business behavior? What should the price be and who should pay?

Talking about payment, what about insurance companies? NOLA is still reeling of the effects of Katrina, Rita, FEMA's Michael D Brown's over exaggerated qualifications, Mayor Ray Nagin's self proclaimed competence and the partisan corporation of the the Democratic governor of LA - Kathleen Blanco with the "White House" as it is called. As if the handicap is not enough, the city and other city's citizens affected by the recent devastations of the hurricanes are discovering how much insurance and assurance they had paid the insurance corporations for over several years. I bet it is very disheartening to discover that your hurricane insurance only covered the instance of another house colliding with yours but not the mere tree damages. Who writes these policies? Better yet why should someone need a lawyer to explain sentences in the same language that is supposed to cover understood circumstances? Unfortunately one does in order to protect oneself.

In the same spirit of explaining the fine prints - security, assurity, protection and deterence do not all mean the same thing.
[below are my examples]
1. CCTV provides assurity in the case where an action is already purported and expressed. The conspicuous placement of such equipment may deter some faint-hearted conspirators than the fain. CCTV is not primarily for protection; its security purpose is to record the action.
2. Long walls are for protection and deterence than for assurity. Not that it has worked too tremendously along the US-MEX border but it does provide some protection in the areas where the walls exist and are too high and too rigid to overcome.

No condition is permanent and not all conditions are available at all times to be planned for and for the security options to be worked out. That should not be a crutch to hold on to for not planning or for the limited vision within the plan. Having a plan is a good start but do not buy generic solutions because your security recipe is never generic.

There is no security; there is no assurance and life is always the worst case scenario. Therefore plan to live within your scenario!

Is not EAZY to be me

By way of introduction if you will:
I am comfortable in my own skin (like that is supposed to mean anything but it does) and everyone else should be.

I get to enjoy what I do and what I don't. It is great to be in my line of work. I get to enjoy the way I live and the life I lead outside of my handiwork. It is rewarding to live in such a community and with such people around to enrich my life and help define meaning to just another ordinary being. I get to participate in moments and events that I could not have planned nor could I have found if I were to strive for it alone on my own. What a joy it is to have friends that care so much to enrich my experience.

I want to do so much more; I want to be a lot better. You may think "insatiable"; I think "agitation" & "growth" - that is what it is and it is what it is.

I am not done and that is the uneazy part.

... take a stroll alongside []