Change!
The one thing that I was sure of is "change." I tell people how much I love it and how greatly it excites me. I anticipate it and live for it - at least so I told myself. Then things changed.
It is mental and may be classified a disorder by some that I do backtrack my actions and habits. I discovered recently that it is habitual for me to start sentences with "No, ..." even when I am in agreement and putting forth an ammendment to an existing notion. That cannot be a great way to win over the audience if one starts off disagreeing in the first word. It became a focus after realizing that there are unintended reactions and facial contortions in response to aspects of my conversations.
Party1: "I really thank you for helping me move the table; it would have taken forever to move without your kind help."
ME: "No, it is really nothing. It was my pleasure. You have done much more for me and I was glad I was of help."
What an egghead am I sometimes. I am working on it - to have my YES be yes and my NO be no.
Yes, I embrace change and then it changes.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Sunday, January 28, 2007
spoken silence
Years ago I read and collected a New York Times essay on the "eloquence of silence." It was one of the best I had read. It marked me as I espoused the philosophy.
Paul Simon (& Art Garfunkel) have long sang about the the "words of silence." I love that song and agree with the lyrics.
As for me, my vulnerabilities are more conspicous as I get older. I used to be quiet. Beyond my demeanor, I purported and perfected the silent treatment. I could go for weeks in silence. Beyond the monastry practice, I do silence for spite and could go weeks not speaking or in selectively conversation where certain topics are never mentioned and/or ignored when they surface within close relationships. I have witnessed the power of silence to speak succintly to my intentions and the targetted discussions.
Hitherto, I am now tending towards silence. It is a battle in itself to choose not to speak when there is so much to say; there is so much to say and more. I am not going on a silent fasting; I am not going to stop speaking. All I will do is to say less. This is only an effort to allow my intentions to be known while letting my actions speak much more. "Intentions speak but actions even much more", quote me if you intend to say less. I hope I could listen more as I say less. My hope is that I will do more.
For now, my endeavor is to say less. I am not sure how much how that spills over to the written words but we will find out soon.
"... the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls ..."
all plural, less spoken - it is written - more should be done.
In conclusions, lots use the phrase "... when it is all said and done ... " unfortunately the real conclusion is dire because when it is really all said and done, a lot more is said than done.
Paul Simon (& Art Garfunkel) have long sang about the the "words of silence." I love that song and agree with the lyrics.
As for me, my vulnerabilities are more conspicous as I get older. I used to be quiet. Beyond my demeanor, I purported and perfected the silent treatment. I could go for weeks in silence. Beyond the monastry practice, I do silence for spite and could go weeks not speaking or in selectively conversation where certain topics are never mentioned and/or ignored when they surface within close relationships. I have witnessed the power of silence to speak succintly to my intentions and the targetted discussions.
Hitherto, I am now tending towards silence. It is a battle in itself to choose not to speak when there is so much to say; there is so much to say and more. I am not going on a silent fasting; I am not going to stop speaking. All I will do is to say less. This is only an effort to allow my intentions to be known while letting my actions speak much more. "Intentions speak but actions even much more", quote me if you intend to say less. I hope I could listen more as I say less. My hope is that I will do more.
For now, my endeavor is to say less. I am not sure how much how that spills over to the written words but we will find out soon.
"... the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls ..."
- WORDS
- PROPHETS
- SUBWAY WALLS
all plural, less spoken - it is written - more should be done.
In conclusions, lots use the phrase "... when it is all said and done ... " unfortunately the real conclusion is dire because when it is really all said and done, a lot more is said than done.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
New or changed MAN?
"the more things change, the more the stay the same"; I think I agree with that statement about change. I am finding out as I get older that I am not radically transformed anymore. Maybe it is that rule of diminishing return or something. My friends continue to expect certain things of me and I have continued to try the change up routine - i.e. - argue on the right side as much as I am expected to be leftish.
A lot more has changed since. The rate of change is faster but not too dramatic, subtly speedier if you will. My hair is subtly receeding. I find it funny that the hair follicles are not falling out but rather the texture is changing; it is becoming a lot softer and straight on each side of my forehead. I am not alarmed, it is a natural course; I luke cute-er.
My psychology changes a lot but my philosopher improves within the same school of thought (- that is if it is legal for me to say so myself.)
I still love technology (as much as ever). I have come to discover that I am more of a techie supplier than the user - ask me what that means later. I am mostly surprised that I am satisfied with developing strategy as much as I was with delivering day by day feelable results. The empirical experience is more intense in strategy than mechanical application - that is my take.
Therefore, I woke up this morning and took an IQ test. The results did not contain much information, I still scored very high, the difference this time was that I saved the results. The compelling reasons are still not clear to me; am I anticipating that at some point I will not be able to score as high? Time will tell.
A lot more has changed since. The rate of change is faster but not too dramatic, subtly speedier if you will. My hair is subtly receeding. I find it funny that the hair follicles are not falling out but rather the texture is changing; it is becoming a lot softer and straight on each side of my forehead. I am not alarmed, it is a natural course; I luke cute-er.
My psychology changes a lot but my philosopher improves within the same school of thought (- that is if it is legal for me to say so myself.)
I still love technology (as much as ever). I have come to discover that I am more of a techie supplier than the user - ask me what that means later. I am mostly surprised that I am satisfied with developing strategy as much as I was with delivering day by day feelable results. The empirical experience is more intense in strategy than mechanical application - that is my take.
Therefore, I woke up this morning and took an IQ test. The results did not contain much information, I still scored very high, the difference this time was that I saved the results. The compelling reasons are still not clear to me; am I anticipating that at some point I will not be able to score as high? Time will tell.
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